A Preview of Things to Come

Thanks for the shout-out, Marfs. I have always viewed scrapbooking as a pure art expression, rather than just sticking a bunch of crap into a book. I mean, it's that too, but it's also a communion with the All Power, you know? I've got this new technique with glitter! You've got to see. Anyway, our new ghost tour is really great. I'm having a blast. It's made me think of an awesome spin-off solo show. I know! I know! I'm always discussing my solo work. But think about it: Everything we do as a band is just prologue to my solo work. So it only makes sense that I would be inspired to create personal projects, and talk incessantly in a passive-aggressive way about how I'm going to split from the band and work alone. Ya'll should respect that. I'm the great one in this band. I'm the one with "The Future", as the psychic lady told me. Ya'll believe in that psychic lady as much as I do. So how do you explain her prophetic words : "Ooh, Henry, you're the best!"? Last I checked, the word 'best' means 'better than those around him'. I don't think I need to spell out who those particular individuals are (I can't resist: M.A.R.F.A. and W.O.R.T.H.I.E.S.). What was I talking about before I had to play the psychic lady card? Oh yeah, my solo work. I'm thinking of calling my next album, "I'm not Worthy". You know, like a pun on the fact that I'm split from the band. Except I'm going to cross out the "not" and have a photo of me looking all self-assured, like I've changed my mind. My other idea is along the lines of our current tour. Check this out: "The Rabbi Wore a Deathly Pale Face". Perfection. Yes, it will be folky. Yes, I will employ a 12-member percussion-exclusive all-female punk band. No, I will not have Janet Jackson in my video. But does she have any kids? I'd love to get a child of Janet Jackson. Yes, I will sing in falsetto. This is my new trademark. I have received a lot of positive feedback - Not all of it bad! Some people really do think it sounds masculine. Just because these people don't know what the word masculine means and think it's a drug and come up to me and ask, "Are you on masculine?!", and I take that to mean they are complimenting my awesome new singing voice, that doesn't mean, um, anything! Yeah. Well, I'd better go "scrap" out some books. Enjoy the rock shows. And remember: It's going to get a Whole Lot Better once I start fronting my own group and ditch Barfa and the UnWorthies. Bye, fans! See you when I see you.