No need to thank me, Community

In response to the recent letter:

Dear Mildred,
Don't have that man's baby, Mildred. That is all.
Me

Dear future Mildred's baby,
Your mother loves you. Never give up hope. I have decided your name is Bella. Mildred, if you're reading this, you know what to do. Bella means 'beauty' in some other language.
Me

Wow, that was easy. I feel like I am serving my community well.

Hey Mr. B, that was an excellent song! The one about the sandwich, I mean. You sing something like that action and I'll bang on the drums to it. And in a matter in which it was like I was born to do it. By the way, when I haven't been incarcerated, I've been working on a new "riff" that might just revolutionize our particular country's concept of the riff. When you scream "AND MAYBE A LITTLE BACON" at that one part, I plan to let rip the riff. It's going to blow beer out of people's noses, even the noses of minors. I will probably be held responsible for bringing back moshing, but I am okay with that. Let my power be felt throughout the land.

Oh, and about the Farmers... I don't think that's going to work. I have never gotten along with them, and without even trying have found ways to make them seriously hate me. I'm willing to go through with this plan, but expect some major tensions.