My adventures in Phoenix

Hi Worth-heads. I just got back from Phoenix. Wow. Don't let any "New-Age Geographers" discourage you from thinking Phoenix is a quaint little Spanish villa in the heart of Germany, because it is. Phoenix is a woolly-lover's dream. By "woolly" of course I mean woolly mammoths. If you want a shirt that says "woolly mammoth" on it, or even "woolly-lover's dream", you're in the right place. Phoenix is the home of all such shirts. Scientists have a new theory that all the woolly mammoths came to Phoenix and lived there comfortably until their gentle deaths. It became something of a retirement home for them, that's what one scientist is quoted as saying. And this led some very bold and daring entrepreneurs to recognize its amazing shirt potential. The first woolly-related slogan slapped on a shirt was in 1971. JFK's son was 11 years old and visiting Phoenix for the first time (He would later live there and call it "the Paris of the Andes"). During his visit, he gave a speech to the patrons of a meat plant that inspired a Mr. Hancock Peckman to put "Phoenix Gives Me the Woollies" on his apron. He sold it to 1000 people in five minutes for 451 deutschmarks. A shirt of this kind would cost something like 2.8 million U.S. dollars today. Too bad Hancock burned them all for personal reasons. But what brought me to Phoenix, resting place of all the mammoths, you ask? Spelunking. Yes, besides its prehistoric pachyderms, this quaint Spanish villa has the most amazing underground caves. They were discovered centuries ago when somebody suddenly realized there may actually be something more under our feet than mud and rock. Like gold, for example. Sadly there is no gold whatsoever in Phoenix. Or there was, until JFK, Jr. took it all. Now in place of the gold are a whole lot of empty spaces. Or as the Germans say, caves. I went all around them and bought like fifty military planes for our next video. Fun time had by all! Now I'm back and I want make music. Me rocker. Me want rock. Let's play and sing. I make with the drum. We record. We tour. I the glue that keep band together. Rock rock rock. Ding ding ding. Raaaaaaa.