Marfa and the Worthies

A Preview of Things to Come

2005-10-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the shout-out, Marfs. I have always viewed scrapbooking as a pure art expression, rather than just sticking a bunch of crap into a book. I mean, it's that too, but it's also a communion with the All Power, you know? I've got this new technique with glitter! You've got to see. Anyway, our new ghost tour is really great. I'm having a blast. It's made me think of an awesome spin-off solo show. I know! I know! I'm always discussing my solo work. But think about it: Everything we do as a band is just prologue to my solo work. So it only makes sense that I would be inspired to create personal projects, and talk incessantly in a passive-aggressive way about how I'm going to split from the band and work alone. Ya'll should respect that. I'm the great one in this band. I'm the one with "The Future", as the psychic lady told me. Ya'll believe in that psychic lady as much as I do. So how do you explain her prophetic words : "Ooh, Henry, you're the best!"? Last I checked, the word 'best' means 'better than those around him'. I don't think I need to spell out who those particular individuals are (I can't resist: M.A.R.F.A. and W.O.R.T.H.I.E.S.). What was I talking about before I had to play the psychic lady card? Oh yeah, my solo work. I'm thinking of calling my next album, "I'm not Worthy". You know, like a pun on the fact that I'm split from the band. Except I'm going to cross out the "not" and have a photo of me looking all self-assured, like I've changed my mind. My other idea is along the lines of our current tour. Check this out: "The Rabbi Wore a Deathly Pale Face". Perfection. Yes, it will be folky. Yes, I will employ a 12-member percussion-exclusive all-female punk band. No, I will not have Janet Jackson in my video. But does she have any kids? I'd love to get a child of Janet Jackson. Yes, I will sing in falsetto. This is my new trademark. I have received a lot of positive feedback - Not all of it bad! Some people really do think it sounds masculine. Just because these people don't know what the word masculine means and think it's a drug and come up to me and ask, "Are you on masculine?!", and I take that to mean they are complimenting my awesome new singing voice, that doesn't mean, um, anything! Yeah. Well, I'd better go "scrap" out some books. Enjoy the rock shows. And remember: It's going to get a Whole Lot Better once I start fronting my own group and ditch Barfa and the UnWorthies. Bye, fans! See you when I see you.

Juuuuuuu-uuuu-uuuuuuuu-liiiii-ooooooohhh-oooooooo

2005-10-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

WOw! wow. I can't even begin to tell you where I've been. Let me take a breather. whew. okay. Now.

SO, yeah, fans! It was hysterical - you should have seen Henry trying to see where we were at, cuz, hey we were incorporeal! The big H did pull through, big-time, though, because he got out the ol' 4-track and the psychics and we laid down our ghostly new LP, entitled 'plasma paranormale.' It's got the previously mentioned indie eerie emo feelie, along with some latin flavor (turns out, The Other Side has some amazing transparent maracas).

I believe Rosh Hashana is the new year. I'm not sure if gifts are given, but people usually eat something sweet, like apples with nuts and honey for a "sweet new year". Also recently, it was Yom Kippur, the day of atonement and reconciliation. It's nice that Judaism bundles those two up together, kind of like when you bundle up firewood with smaller bits of wood that will help the larger parts burn to make a nice warm fire. Come to think of it, you guys in the woods (woods-fans we call you) could use your sport-fishing magazines as kindling. Oh right, I forgot! You only have computers. Well, I believe silicone chips burn like no other! And then you can make s'mores over pixels. That's a nice vision.

So yeah, after the materialization, I ended up in Tierra del Fuego (I was dropped from 10 feet in the sky), and then I had to hitchhike my way back to Portland, where we're chilling for a while before heading out to tour 'plasma paranormale'. Brink out yr sheetz w/holez cut out y'all.

Peaches and prosperity,

Marfa

PS-Henry has gotten truly amazing at scrapbooking. Check out his work, featured in the book below. Congrats, Hen-hen!

Where are they now?

2005-10-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

A WHOLE lot has happened in the last month or so and we'd like to tell those of you who live in the woods with satellite internet access and don't read any other website but this about it. (Our every move HAS been ALLLLLL over every magazine and publication for MONTHS. Don't believe me? Go buy yourself a magazine. Any magazine. Buy one about sport fishing. Oh that's right, you live in the woods with nothing but a tent and a laptop and a hydroponic organic vegetable garden that sustains your heard of lamas that you sacrifice ritually and eat. So don't buy a magazine. Or at least don't buy a subscription because that would be a big waste of money since you don't have a mailing address. You could buy one just for kicks to prove me wrong in an ironic kind of way. But you wouldn't get to read it. Unless it was in electronic format. They have those a lot these days. And now that I think about it I guess you could buy someone else a subscription like as a gift or something. To celebrate a birthday or a holiday or just because they're special. Did you know today was Rosh Hashanah? Is that a holiday where you give gifts? I remember a friend had me over for Passover once and the Jewish couple that lives across the street from my parents told me not to bring apples because they're not allowed on Passover for some reason. But Rosh Hashanah and Passover are different of course. The man who lives across the street is a kidney doctor and has a son who plays guitar at a fried chicken restaurant in Atlanta. He's a little racist (the neighbor) and his wife makes really good whitefish spread. Or maybe she just knows the best place to buy it. My mom thinks it's bizarre that a Jewish person could be racist because of the Holocaust. One of my students was out today because of Rosh Hashanah. Her mom sent out this nice email to all of her students about how she would be in temple all day and that we should all have wonderful years full of peace and prosperity. I thought that was nice. No one really ever wishes me peace and prosperity, especially not the parents of my students.)

The Seven Songs of Marfa

2005-09-25T21:50:00.000-07:00

NEW SONG!

Hi fans...

2005-08-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

As you can probably tell, our band's totally run into the ground. I don't mean that literally. I do mean this literally, however: Everybody disappeared! Like seriously. They were all standing in front of me and then there was ZAP and they all went invisible. I could hear them moving around and stuff (even a couple titterings), but they wouldn't respond to anything I said. I think they entered the SPIRIT WORLD. I'm thinking about getting a seance started up and seeing if we can record the next album via a medium or something. It should give the next record a sort of indie eerie emo feel. I've been working on a few solo projects while I wait for the psychic people to call me back or my bandmates rematerialize (whatever comes first). I'm putting out an album. It's a Christmas album. I should clarify: Not a record album... a photo album. Photos of me mostly. Me decorating the tree. Me singing carols. Me making a snowman. I've gotten really into scrapbooking. I make some nifty borders out of really nice lacework that my friend Betsy McMalley got! It's so much fun. She's going to teach me how to capture every precious moment of my future children's lives! Using the best compositions and quirky but creative decorations. The Memories will be 4-ever.

Oh the Farmer and the Henry Should Be Friends

2005-07-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, peop-holes. Sorry I been long gone for so long.

I feel like I have a lot to catch you up on. The big news is... I've taken a major step in my life. It's a baby-step, but I think it will lead to many great things. I've decided to no longer move about the world via ambulation. My savior, a Dr. Haroldo Itcherberg, has devised a new method, and no it's not a "Segway". Although, I can't technically fly, if you were to take a picture of me 90% of the time, it would still look like I was floating. Yes, the most clever of you have no doubt guessed it - I now travel exclusively by trampoline. It's a little robotic one that moves around directly under me at all times. Her name is Samantha.

Being a rock star does have certain privileges. I'm sure many of wish you had the kind of money and fame to go through life spending much of it up in the air by means of repeated trampoline use. Well, I'm a living role-model to you, I'm sure. I'm proof that getting lots of fortune means you can reach the sky, or the ceiling, or at the very least, many tallish trees (I've never eaten so many coconuts!). For those of you aspiring "tramps" wanting in on the good life, keep dreaming and hoping and then eventually become a rockstar. I'm looking forward to seeing you up in the air!

What's the weather like up here, you ask? Sunny! (with a 20% chance of sleet)

I want everyone to know that my new life-style choice will in no way effect my relationship with the band. Everyone hated me already and will continue to do so. I will still play a musical instrument, and that instrument will still be called "drums" by me (and hopefully everyone else, if they know what's good for them). Our new bandmember A-Train knows how to rock and roll and is quite the Idea Man. He is planning on hooking up a theremin to a trampoline so that I can play it during concerts and in studios. I will simply jump from Samantha to the specially-rigged instrument, and then back again when I am done. You guys know what a theremin is? A person playing a theremin never comes into physical contact with it.

This is great for me because, with the exception of trampolines, I'd like not to come into contact with any physical objects at all. This means no autographs! How many times do I have to say it? And no, "not being able to hear me because I'm 10 feet above you when I say it" is not an excuse!

In other news, I did go to the farmer's convention. A-Train had the novel idea of disguising me as a woman. I still got recognized, but they all thought I was a transvestite and were a lot more polite to me after that. Either that or they were weirded out by me and Samantha. Traveling by trampoline did have its thrills. I killed at hopping over cows and things. I made rodeo clowns jealous. I even up-staged the cows! Many of the kids in the audience told me afterwards that after watching me jump over the cows they no longer liked the cows, and would not ever become farmers. I think I am doing God's work.

One last thing... Marfa: the letter you posted from CeCe "Henry" Kobravski must be a forgery. It's just not possible. I saw her with my own eyes fall over the waterfall into the abyss after our climactic duel. There's no way she could have survived. Could it be? Could it be that my arch-nemesis CeCe "Henry" Kobravski is alive?! She did mention sporks. That is her signature. Could this be a copy-cat CeCe? I will have to increase my vigilance. What CeCe doesn't realize is I have Samantha now. The advantage is mine. I can, like, fling crap at her from above. Ha!

WHOA WHOA WHOA

2005-07-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

Okay folks. This is more of an in-house memo than anything else. We're having a little trouble getting along. Henry thinks this is because we didn't "re-enact the birthing process" when A Train joined up, thereby "renewing our pact with the Earth Mother." I think it's because Henry is doing so much coke that he can't think straight and consequently doesn't have enough money to buy his own Cheetos. Also, Marfa is complaining that one of the roadies has started selling her shoes on Ebay again, and this always makes her a little "grumpy."

I had a long talk with my lawyer about how to handle this (I'm trying to be a responsible leader--my initial reaction was to set fire to the tour bus, which turned out to be a LITTLE expensive for me and very, how do you say, transformative for some of the roadies.) and he said I should issue a memo to the band with some GUIDELINES. Here they are:

1) Cheetos are a privelege and not a right, just like cocaine. If someone spends all their money on coke and doesn't have enough money to buy Cheetos, it's not the responsibility of anyone in the band to buy them Cheetos.

2) Whenever the band acquires a new band member, it IS important to engage in certain ritual processes to help the group adjust and acclamate themselves to a new personality. Building a giant birth canal is ONE way to do this.

3) Setting the tour bus on fire is NOT a good way to solve the band's problems. (I'm sorry!)

4) Shoes are an important part of a person's wardrobe, and we should all recognize the care and effort some people take in buying their shoes in France. This being said, if some people think that their shoes are being coveted by any and every person they meet, they might want to invest in a high-tech safe or buy a watchdog or hire a shoe gaurd. And, yes, we all love shoes.

5) When you join a band, it's important to remember that most musicians are crazy, on drugs, and not actually musicians. Have patience with them.

We Are The World, We Are The People

2005-07-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Some of you might have noticed we've added a new member to our lovely little group--his name is A Train. Or at least that's what I call him. I won't know exactly what his names is until I talk to our accountant. He plays the drums, the bass, the zambonie, the steel guitar, and Poland. He's going to be our "mercernary," so to speak, to the FFA. In fact, he should be reporting back to us shortly on his latest visit with the farmer folk, which apparently involved a life-sized cow puppet and fireworks (that's what they said on the news).

Wow. I haven't even posted this yet and already my inbox has been flooded with what SEEMS TO BE fan mail for the A Train. Let me just copy and paste some of it here for you guys. Enjoy your night. Laytaz.

"Dear Marfa and the Worthies,

I think you guys might know a guy that's got some stuff of mine. A Train? You know him? A couple years ago he borrowed a pair of sneakers, my nintendo, and a couple of salt shakers. Never got them back. Don't know what to do. Waiting for years for some message from the A Train. Nothin. Never calls to say I got your shakers. Never writes to say here's your sneakers. Never ever see him at my door with that nintendo.

Where are you A Train? Where you been at? So you joined a rock band? So where's the music of ownership? The sweet melody of my unrequited possessions?

Tom"

"Hey There Fan Mail Bag,

You don't know me, but I am in the know, in a manner of speaking. I know this new member of your band. This band member. You may know him as A Train but he has MANY other names. Names I don't even know. Names that describe Africa, and several shades of sleeping, and brown eyed stones.

A Train was once a famous potter in Prague of almost unprecedented fame. He would walk through the city streets and birds and sometimes squirrels would descend from the mountains and rest on his shoulders while he conversed with school children about the use of pots. Pretty much everyone in the city used his pottery, wore his pottery, and spoke into his pottery several times a day.

His fame grew and grew until one day a position opened on the City Planning Board. Department of Public Works and Sanitation. Millions of people spontaneously wrote his name in, which is technically not legal and many of them were later murdered by Communists, BUT somehow the A Train was elected.

Some of his more famous acts as Director of Public Works and Sanitation are: replacing all street lights with baskets of fruit, having his name painted on all government buildings in huge letters, transforming the City Hall into an endangered fish rescue center, and purchasing thousands of very polite crime fighting robots for the police department.

He was eventually run out of town when it was discovered that he had bought a helicopter with city funds and would right around above the city singing lullabys all night long. He went into hiding in Paris before moving to Texas to INFILTRATE AND OVERTAKE a famous rock band. I'm just guessing about that last part.

Anyways, just thought you guys should know.
Anognumous"

Man Alive! Zeitgeist.

2005-07-25T21:06:00.000-07:00

Hey Worries, I've been out in the field with my 10-foot long microphone and headphones and homophones, getting the best of the world, audio-wise. Here are some noteworthy 24K golden moments to be included on the 'wich:

-Siamese donkey brayings. (got access to the special FFA secret room)
-90-year-old man going down a slip-and-slide with the greatest of speeds and the lavendarest of Speedoes. He was in great shape. The war cry on that man!
-A fat lady sitting on a BLT. Over and over and over again.
-Playing my double bass in the Erebus Glacier Tongue, Antarctica, accompanied by the soft chatter of penguins watching the performance.

I've begun programming the sounds into some compositions for "Hey Lady Where's My Sandwich". It's total schadenfreude, or nebellicht, or heidelbeere that you wrote a song about a lady and a sandwich and I recorded the sound of a lady and a sandwich. M + W's 4-evah.

Also, Henry, I have received a letter for you in my mailbox (when are you leaving the halfway house?). Here goes:

"Dear Henry, the only Worthy that really matters,

I love you and want to be with your forever. I will hold you just like you are cradling the chicken on the cover of "It Only Hurts Part of the Time". Which, by the way, I had the other sounds removed so that I could hear only your drums. Only your drums. I do your riffs all the time in the cafeteria. I have my own table where I eat Honey Buns and tots and I don't care what Mrs.Cunt-ing-ham says, I'll play drums with my spork and butter knife all day, I don't care. Please come to the Homecoming Dance with me. I knitted a dress with your face in it. I can make you a matching suit with your face on it too. Then it would be like 3 Henrys, and that is triple heaven. I love you forever.

Love you,

CeCe "Henry" Kobravski

P.S. See? Your name is my middle name. Because I want you to be part of me all the time."

Sigh. There you go, Henry. Disturbing.

-Fraulein Marfa

New Man helps out henry??

2005-07-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

As I have just joined up , Henry, I would be willing to go in your place to the Future Famers meeting. They have always gotten along with me as I speak 'uninteligable Texan'. Also it would help me out at the next Veg meeting to have some dirt on the opposition. FFA cant read this can they?

ATx

No need to thank me, Community

2005-07-21T14:17:00.000-07:00

In response to the recent letter:

Dear Mildred,
Don't have that man's baby, Mildred. That is all.
Me

Dear future Mildred's baby,
Your mother loves you. Never give up hope. I have decided your name is Bella. Mildred, if you're reading this, you know what to do. Bella means 'beauty' in some other language.
Me

Wow, that was easy. I feel like I am serving my community well.

Hey Mr. B, that was an excellent song! The one about the sandwich, I mean. You sing something like that action and I'll bang on the drums to it. And in a matter in which it was like I was born to do it. By the way, when I haven't been incarcerated, I've been working on a new "riff" that might just revolutionize our particular country's concept of the riff. When you scream "AND MAYBE A LITTLE BACON" at that one part, I plan to let rip the riff. It's going to blow beer out of people's noses, even the noses of minors. I will probably be held responsible for bringing back moshing, but I am okay with that. Let my power be felt throughout the land.

Oh, and about the Farmers... I don't think that's going to work. I have never gotten along with them, and without even trying have found ways to make them seriously hate me. I'm willing to go through with this plan, but expect some major tensions.

SNEAK PREVIEW OF OUR NEXT ALBUM

2005-07-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

Hey folks. I've been working on some lyrics for our upcoming album. We decided that you guys (our spectacular fans) are way too cool to have to wait months and decades to get a hold of the actual music. So here's a couple of the good ones.

Hey Lady Where's My Sandwich

Excuse me, miss
Something seems terribly amiss
I think you forgot
I ordered a SANDWICH

I see you standing there
playing with your hair
while I wait patiently
thinking of my SANDWICH

I want mustard
I want mayonaisse
I want those kindof pink tomatoes

Give me lettuce
Give me cheese
AND MAYBE A LITTLE BACON

Hey look I see you've got some bread
Maybe somewhere in your head
There is an understanding
of my DESIRE FOR LUNCH

DESIRE FOR LUNCH
DESIRE FOR LUNCH
DESIRE FOR LUNCH
DESIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
LUUUUUUUUUUNCH
LUNCH LUNCH LUNCH
LUNCH LUNCH

Doin' my time

2005-07-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the drug binge I've been on and was subsequently busted for, guys. The law enforcement officers have informed me I have to perform community service. I'm pretty sure blogging counts. Aren't ya'll a community? Bingo. So what am I supposed to yap at you about? And what sort of service should I provide? Uhhhh. I'm blankin'. Well, giving advice is a form of service. Hey, send me some questions, like about dating or something. I'll answer them here. Aren't I a good citizen now? Anyway, if anybody has any "HORSE", email me on the side. And yes, officer, I am talking bout the animal. Geez!

Mail Bag

2005-07-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

Henry, I recieved a letter for you today at the office. I don't know why no one has been here in months. Someone left chinese takeout in my office and there were ANIMALS LIVING IN MY DESK. But anyways, there's a note for Henry that says:

"Dear Henry of Marfa in the Woowees

I am writing to tell you how it is like to be in your band. Do you have monkeys? I am dating a man from Nantucket and he wants a baby. Do you have babies? What's a yeti?

Yours sincerely yours,
Mildred Pierce"

Welcome Future Farmers of America!

2005-07-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

Guess what everybody? As part of Henry's community service (by the way, I got off with nothin but a big fine--suckaz!), the band is going to be sponsoring a local youth group--The Future Farmers of America! Apparently, they prepare themselves for a life of watching cows! We like cows, don't we guys?

Here's a list of some of the activities we'll be doing in the coming weeks with our new farming friends:

How to Perform a Badass Guitar Riff
Team Building Seminar with the Roadies
STDs and orgies: Who should we do?
Is this laced?: Drug purity standards in the 21st millenium
Air Drums: The lost Art of Peru
How to Binge on ROOTBEER
Negotiating with the label or "F You!"

The public is welcome to attend, so let us know if you'd like to come. We'll keep you posted on our adventures with our new friends.

My adventures in Phoenix

2005-07-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

Hi Worth-heads. I just got back from Phoenix. Wow. Don't let any "New-Age Geographers" discourage you from thinking Phoenix is a quaint little Spanish villa in the heart of Germany, because it is. Phoenix is a woolly-lover's dream. By "woolly" of course I mean woolly mammoths. If you want a shirt that says "woolly mammoth" on it, or even "woolly-lover's dream", you're in the right place. Phoenix is the home of all such shirts. Scientists have a new theory that all the woolly mammoths came to Phoenix and lived there comfortably until their gentle deaths. It became something of a retirement home for them, that's what one scientist is quoted as saying. And this led some very bold and daring entrepreneurs to recognize its amazing shirt potential. The first woolly-related slogan slapped on a shirt was in 1971. JFK's son was 11 years old and visiting Phoenix for the first time (He would later live there and call it "the Paris of the Andes"). During his visit, he gave a speech to the patrons of a meat plant that inspired a Mr. Hancock Peckman to put "Phoenix Gives Me the Woollies" on his apron. He sold it to 1000 people in five minutes for 451 deutschmarks. A shirt of this kind would cost something like 2.8 million U.S. dollars today. Too bad Hancock burned them all for personal reasons. But what brought me to Phoenix, resting place of all the mammoths, you ask? Spelunking. Yes, besides its prehistoric pachyderms, this quaint Spanish villa has the most amazing underground caves. They were discovered centuries ago when somebody suddenly realized there may actually be something more under our feet than mud and rock. Like gold, for example. Sadly there is no gold whatsoever in Phoenix. Or there was, until JFK, Jr. took it all. Now in place of the gold are a whole lot of empty spaces. Or as the Germans say, caves. I went all around them and bought like fifty military planes for our next video. Fun time had by all! Now I'm back and I want make music. Me rocker. Me want rock. Let's play and sing. I make with the drum. We record. We tour. I the glue that keep band together. Rock rock rock. Ding ding ding. Raaaaaaa.

Tour-o-matic

2005-07-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

The tour continues, but we've all taken a little break. Henry has flown off to Phoenix to learn to spelunk and I think buy some old military planes for our next video. The new Marfa is in NYC doing a speaking tour of her new book about her experience with the Worthies, "How I Was Not the Band But Then Was Later" which is really hilarious and I would recommend buying on amazon.

I'm in Alaska right now looking to buy a salmon farm. I had this great idea after a show we did in LA last year about buying a salmon farm and raising pork in it. It was really Henry's idea. We were eating breakfast at an IHOP in north Hollywood and Henry told me his bacon tasted fishy and I was like, "That's it!"

Thankfully, we've got some great tech people on this tour and they've rigged us up with holographic video conferencing gear so that we can still perform in Atlanta tonight. I'm thinking about finding a zoo or nature preserve or something to see if I can perform as a bison or polar bear or something. What kind of animals do they have here anyways?

Judas Split

2005-06-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

A golden day in the sun

2005-06-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hurrah! I am finally a PhD! It all started with a question that arrived in my inbox a mere fortnight ago:

"Have you ever thought that the only thing stopping you from a great job and better pay was a few letters behind your name?"

Yes, yes I have thought that. Now that I'm with the Worthies, I do have a great job and better pay, but I figured I should get the letters as well. You know, like a package deal. So, I went for it! It's been a tough two weeks, but Brennan, Henry, and Ogre-man have been totally supportive. I'm so glad to be done with it!

We got off the bus in Toledo (a.k.a. Glass City), so that I could have a proper graduation ceremony. Henry flew a sky writer airplane with pink colored smoke; the portrait he drew of me was so lovely, and astonishingly true-to-life. Brennan poured a forty of high-grade bubbles on the ground and lit his pants on fire while singing an aria he composed - "Marfelina, Bellisima PhD-ina". His baritone is non pareil, and the fire and bubbles could not have been a more appropriate and tender setting. Ogre-man danced a celebratory ancient Irish jig that had been passed down through his family for centuries. Then he proclaimed celibacy. It was all very touching.

With a "Yipee-ki-yi-yaooo!!", I threw my mortarboard into the sky. It floated away on a draft and landed in the Maumee River. I hope it finds a new happy home in the beaver dam down the way. Those animals sure could use some more edification. I don't care what dwell magazine says.

After Henry landed, or rather, crashed near-fatally (don't worry, he's fine), we all went into the river and I got baptized in my graduation gown. I've been wearing it for the past 14 days. I think Brennan was especially happy for us to be in the river, seeing as he's got a sensitive nose, and it's my first shower in the past two weeks (the gown is dry-clean only). Oh, also, he got to put out his pants-fire (don't worry, he's fine). Ogre-man gave up his promise almost immediately at the next truck stop (don't worry, he only caught rickets). Sigh. I love you guys.

Signed,

Marfa Worthy, PhD.

The Perfect Marfa

2005-06-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

Back when we were trying to find a new Marfa, we composed and sang this song to our parents. Man, you should have seen it. We were so cute.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Spoken]
Wanted a ~~nanny~~ Marfa for two ~~adorable children~~ accomplished rock musicians

[Sung]
If you want this choice position
~~Have a cheery disposition~~ Be a kick ass rock musician
Rosy cheeks, no warts! (Actually, we're pretty lenient about warts)
Play ~~games~~ music, all sorts (And games are cool, too)

You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets

Never be cross or cruel
Never give us ~~castor oil or gruel~~ the shaft
Love us as a ~~son and daughter~~ platonic friend
And never smell of ~~barley water~~ feces or garbage

If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us
We won't hide your ~~spectacles~~ game controller
So you can't ~~see~~ play video games
Put toads in your bed
Or pepper in your ~~tea~~ video games
Hurry, ~~Nanny~~ Marfa!
Many thanks
Sincerely,

~~Jane and Michael Banks.~~ Henry and Brennan, The Worthies.

New Member(s)

2005-06-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

Many of you have been writing in with questions about the new Marfa. Let me clarify some of them.

1) The new Marfa is not a robot. Nor is she a modified recipe of the old Marfa to increase sales.

2) The old Marfa is not in Venezuela. Nor is she in New Jersey. She is on sabbatical in Oregon farming sugar cane.

3) The new Marfa will not completely replace the old Marfa, she is just standing in for her while she recovers from her heroine addiction. The new Marfa does not really like heroine.

4) The old Marfa still gets royalties from the albums she worked on. My lawyers said I shouldn't be talking about this, but all of the old Marfa's and some of the new Marfa's money is going into a Swiss bank account.

5) Later this week, we will be publishing an advance copy of a Rolling Stone interview with the new Marfa that will be published next month

6) In addition to the Rolling Stone interview, Henry has promised to collect some of his thoughts and visions of the great beyond to share with all of us how he feels about old and new Marfas. Thanks Henry.

7) If you have any more questions, feel free to keep writing. Maybe we'll post them for you.

The Lightning Horse Rides Up My Nose

2005-06-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Wortherinos,

Marfa here. Only, I'm the new Marfa. I've been picked out of a casting of various tap-dancing beauties that have trailed their shuffle steps through the taverns of small towns across America. So many dreams crushed, toppled in the sequin-reflecting eyes of the girls next door. Turns out, I'm the only worthy enough to be a Worthy. For, I say, who must endeavor to be Worthier than Marfa of 'Worthy and the Marfiest' Worthy to ever Marfa across this Worthy we call the Marfa? Marfa? Precisely.

I just came off playing Phalanges in Sophocles' "Pass the Night Wing". It was the best play to hit Murfreesboro, Arkansas since "Looks and Brains" by Virgina Woolf.

A pleasure to be on board, sailors.

P.S. I'm really enjoying the Lindt truffles you left on the bus. Also, I've almost finished off all the leapers (haven't slept for 8 days - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!).

Sobering

2005-06-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, that is seriously weird (referring to Brennan's post below). I had no idea Marfa was missing. Who was that strange masked person that saved me from an oncoming train? I could have totally sworn it was Marfs. And who was it that played Tibula in Shakespeare's "You're Giving Me Hives" that I saw four times at the praying mantis festival in Pittstoppe, Conn.? That wasn't her?!! I know her hair was red and she had no evidence of any legs, but please! Prop masters can do amazing things these days. And who was it that sold me a bottle of Schnapps for $4.50 (a stellar deal by the way) in that grocery store in Omarano, Mainesburgh? Well, it certainly wasn't Fozzie the Bear! I guess I've been living in a drug-induced haze for the last 17 weeks. There really is no other explanation. Marfa, if you're out there, stay where you are. If you move around a lot it's going to make it harder for helicopters or people with binoculars to locate you.

In regard to our monetary problems, I'd just like to say, "No Dinero? No Problemo!" I've got it under control. I just discovered that there is something very valuable hidden in the human body. People will actually BUY it from you for the big bucks. It's called plasma, and I'm thinking that *my* plasma is probably worth way more than other people's. Maybe there's a Worthyhead out there currently employed at a plasma center that is just itching to get the Glue's glue? (Note: For any "Unworthies" out there that don't know, Glue is my nickname.) Any takers? I don't know what they do with plasma once they get it, but probably it is something of a collector's item. We can call the next album "Plasmarama" and have the cover be a photo of me getting it taken out at the center. Plus, a lucky plasma center employee willing to pay big bucks might just get to stand next to me (I don't mean on the cover, I mean in real life). What do you think, Bren & Marf? Let's talk about it at least. Hey, I'm over my Weird Al phase. I see now that I was misguided. See? I can be flexible. I'm willing to sell the hidden juices of my body for the band. I believe with sacrifice and courage I can make the magic happen once again.

Legal Beagle

2005-06-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

Hey folks. I had a meeting with our lawyer this morning and there's some bad news. We've entered a time of crisis and this could break us. Let's hope everything works out. Here's what we know.

1) Marfa and the Worthies, LLC owes approximately $350,000 to the municipal government of Baltimore for property damage in the last week. Apparently, Henry and I did some kind of "narcotic" that was laced with another kind of "narcotic" that also might have contained something that is too fucked up to even be called a "narcotic." Long story short, we destroyed most of a city park. The funny thing is, I had no idea Henry was there! Was that you, man? We shoulda taken some pictures of that shit! It's almost worth $350,000. We're going to have to start selling some mad albums.

2) Marfa has gone missing. Nobody knows where she is. There are rumors circulating on the internet that she has moved to South America to have her love child. Without Marfa, there is no band. We've got to find her. (To be honest, I was trying to start the rumors and be clever about it. No such luck.)

3) We actually don't have a lawyer. There's just this guy I like to talk to on the bus about the band who gives good advice. Most of the time it's not even the same guy. I spent all the money we were supposed to pay the lawyer on candy. Really fucking good candy.

Notes from the Field

2005-06-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

This is how it started. Things started this way. I need to tell you the way it started because its starting and I'm telling and you need to know. The band is good. Was good. Was going on and on to America but we weren't there yet and we were in Baltimore and where did everbody go I think I saw them go that way. Where's the band? I am the band. I was following the band in the band about the band and the singers singing waiting laughing crying being. They gave me some food that I ate that I put in my mouth and that was food but isn't what it was any more because I don't feel good but I'm feeling better and I'm starting to tell you the way that it was now. What food was it? It was a band. I am the band. Where did the band go? In America we are the band but we are not there we are in Baltimore because I am the sign. Green and white and big and cars passing by and 35 miles I am Baltimore. Hello, green, white and big. This is night time now and the trucks are rolling and passing and honking their horns like bleeting sheep in a band of little children that got lost in a highway looking for a place to start in a band. I wanted to tell you how it started because we never got started and we never were a band and I am Safeway and you are Walmart and we are racing and bleeting and gone. I cry because I am gone and there is no more food in the safe way and no more smiling ladies in the wall mart and I was only trying to tell you that we are not a band we are words on the page reading and writing starting wanting dying lost. Hello, this is how we started.

Still Alive!

2005-06-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

I am alive and well and living! Don't worry about me. I am living off crackers and peanut jack. Wooty wooty woo. GIMME GIMME. Hey, what's a guy gotta do to get some fun around here? I'm a real cowboy. BANG!

Assistance required

2005-06-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

We lost Henry. Nobody knows where he is. He bought a lot of coke in Baltimore and no one has seen him since. It's been like four or five days and we've got to get to minneapolis before the end of the week for a show. Marfa is wiggin. If anyone sees him, call our manager at 512-555-7695.

Tour Diary, Day 12: Goin' Bananas!

2005-06-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

We've reached the twelfth day of The Boar. I have never been so wild. Yesterday, or maybe three days ago, I was a veritable monkey, climbing every tree in Lummox, Kentucky (and they have like 80 trees in the city park alone). This leg of the tour is particularly boring for me (Kentuckians are nice, but a little inhibited), so I have to spice it up with a little shenaniga. By the way, 'shenaniga' is a word of my own invention. I am pushing the band to let Shenaniga be the title of our next record. The album cover can be a photo of me in one of the trees with a banana in my hand. I've got it all mapped out. Weird Al can do a cover of the title track of the album and call it "Bananiga". In the video he can pretend to be me, climbing trees and acting the proper fool, singing about his love for all things banana. I'd be even willing to "bribe" him into it by giving him one of my collections of solid gold bananas. Have I mentioned this? I have over 109 collections of 'Auric Plantains', as they are called by aficionados. A collection, or "bunch" as it is called, is any grouping of at least two A.P's. So by collection standards, I have over 218 separate individual fruits. Why do I collect, or "bunch" as it is called? It's just one of those things that crazy rich rock stars do.

What else has happened? Oh, Marfa threatened to quit the band and form a new one. She said her new band will be called "Marfa and the Ghost Lights". I said, "That's the silliest name of a band I ever heard. It's so fantastical! No one would buy it." But after introducing me to the Internet (another thing I never thought could possibly be true), she showed me that it was actually based on a real thing. Well, I'll be. Will wonders never cease? Anyway, we bought her dinner like fifteen times and finally she agreed to stay with the band.

Here are some things I've learned so far on the Tour:

Kentuckian police are remarkably easygoing about wild, partying rock stars climbing up all their trees, chucking 14-carat bananas around, and singing Weird Al's "Eat It" at the tops of their lungs.

Brennan revealed himself to be the Sasquatch. I figured it out long ago, but I guess it took a while for the press to catch wind.

Baltimore was cancelled due to "inclement weather", whatever that is.

Marfa is now 1/4th Cherokee after some crazy genetic surgeries. Good for her.

Potatoes Au Gratin are remarkably easy to eat. I have never once had to employ a knife.

Our manager Ogre-Man is hands-down the best poker play of us all. I don't really know how to play. I keep bringing my racquet to each game and I just don't see how it can help me.

Ogre-Man is an anagram for Manoger, which sounds a heck of a lot like Manager. That is just trippy.

"Baltimore" was cancelled due to inclement weather, whatever that is.

Do not spit at lions. They will get angry and alert zoo officials.

Detroit still knows how to rock. It must be all that 'transportation industry' in the air.

The weeds in the field out back behind the hotel are not good at curing hang-overs.

That's all the news that's "Worthy"!

Tour of the Boar

2005-06-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

I've devised a numerological and astrologically system to name our tours, so that we might take advantage of various superstitious practices (dressing like boars, FOR INSTANCE). Basically, how it works is that every tour gets assigned an animal. All the animals are boars. Every boar gets a hat. (I stole this idea from Henry) Every hat gets a number.

Anyways, we're out on the Tour of the Boar right now. Henry is stoned out of his gourd. Marfa is (I'm assuming) drunk and making out with "The Hot Roadie." Their distractions have given me a brief respite from the trials and tribulations of band life. I have a few quiet moments with myself that I can use to communicate with the outside world, i.e. you, the blogosphere.

I think we're driving towards Chicago right now. ROCK ON CHICAGO. That's what I say.

Ummmm..... we had pancakes for breakfast. I need a nap. I think we just passed the grand canyon.

Tour Diary, Day 1

2005-06-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Over the course of the next few weeks, I will be maintaining a Tour Diary of my adventures with Marfa & The Other Worthy. It's gon' be a fun freaky ride.

Day 1:
This morning we had pancakes. Not the best way to start a day. Our manager doesn't even know about this blog so I can make fun of him all I want. His name is Frederick Shents, but I came up with a better nickname for him than "Frents" (Brennan's suggestion). I call him Ogre-Man. It's a perfect name. Original. Descriptive. Clever. So anyway, "Ogre-Man" had ordered the pancakes at IHOP thinking we were all ga-ga over them. He seems to think that pancakes are the Rocker's Ambrosia, the best way to start a day. Well, I got news for The Oagie (another nickname I came up with for him - it's a riff on "Ogre"), yours truly does not enjoy a cake of pan in the morning. I always wondered why pancakes, or "flappyjacks", are so terrible. As the band's researcher (I've traced each band member's ancestries back to the Secret Generation (more on this later)), I took it upon myself to find out why. Initial data on the root of their vileness supported the popular idea that they were named after Pan the Greek god of sheep. You probably heard of him. He is a little unlikable womanizing hairy man with goat legs. They say he is the god of "unbridled male sexuality", and I certainly wouldn't want to eat a cake made by that guy. You know? But then I looked around some more, and I figured out it's probably Pan-gu. Yes, Pan-gu is why pancakes are gross. He is the Chinese giant who was born as a dwarf from the cosmic egg. And as he grew and grew, he made the universe with different body parts becoming different things. For example, his eyes became the sun and the moon. His sweat became rain. His fleas, the human race. Yes, according to the legend, we are all the fleas living on the body of Pan-gu. If that's not the most terrifying thing I've ever heard, I am not getting out much. No wonder why the the cake of Pan-"goo" is so disgusting . It's probably like his spleen or something. Well that's my day in a nut-shell. A day in the life of your most humble Rock Musician living on the Road, aka The Tour. Catch ya at a Show, Or Until Next Time, This is "The Glue", a worthy Worthy, signing off....

The Top 10 Things to Bring on a Tour

2005-06-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

Any self-respecting rock-and-roll band has to take something on the road with them. I mean, they can't just go naked as the day they were born, can they? These are the top 10 items I personally just can't leave home without. And nakedness just isn't one of them!

10) Sunscreen. God Himself has hired a Hit-man in the guise of the Sun, and he is out to get you. Whether you're in Tuscany, Berlin or Hayes County, Michigan - you can't escape the literal death rays that shoot out like literal lasers at your fragile, and quite literal, skin. Mick Jagger wears at all times a suit made entirely of sunscreen, and I believe Shania Twain has hired a woman to apply it to her skin in perpetuity, even while sleeping. Because the Sun never Sits. Except when sunscreen rocks its socks off. It's what makes rock n' roll music possible, in my humble opinion. Many of us who go touring call sunscreen "the Shieldmaiden of Rock". Why? Because we're poets.

9) Elvis encased in a block of ice. Most people know he disappeared, but what they don't realize is he disappeared into a block of ice, where he remains ever-frozen. In the right light, you can make out the glean of a rhinestone through the glacial surface. It's transcendent to see, and I never leave the King behind on my excursions.

8) My trifocals. This is how I can see into three-dimensions. I have powers of sight AND sound - the latter has something to do with my ears, but the former is all due to my trusty trifocals. Did I mention I can see ghosts with them? Yes, and "other spirits that make me a better musician". That, by the way, was a quote by none other than Theodore Geisel, known the world over as Dr. Seuss.

7) Brennan's zeppelin fleet. This squadron of attack blimps is excellent to have around. I have needed back-up when cornered by street punks on too many occasions to count. I just blow the ancient rune-etched horn and in two days, Brennan's fleet of gas-filled airships descends to wreak havoc on any and all enemies (provided they are wearing red - but since I have two days to influence my enemies' fashion, it's no problem). Also, the zeppelins, or "gas-bags" as Brennan affectionately calls them, have excellent chefs and know how to cook rhubarb in myriad ways. I'm telling you, if they were on Iron Chef and the challenge was "rhubarb", they'd win, hands down. Mr. Kenji Fukui, I hope you're reading this.

6) 100 keys to 99 doors. This is so much fun. The 100 identical unmarked keys are all matched to doors, but there are only 99 doors in total. So one of the keys will not actually work. The idea is to try each key, but you never know whether you are using the 100th non-functioning one! This amuses everyone for hours, even our roadies who are in constant need of a "fix" for fun. Piece of band trivia: Marfa is related to the inventor of this activity. I think it's her cousin.

5) The video game. This is the one and only video game ever made. It's diverting, but a bit of a challenge. I don't know what the little moving things do. And I don't know if I'm supposed to do anything with the thingies. But I do like how it makes the TV shows go away on the TV.

4) A beautiful exotic Bengal Tiger named Szasha. She is such a beautiful creature. Adjectives to describe her: Magnificent, Triumphant, Nature's Way of Saying Thank You To Humans, Stunningly Terrific, Transcendent, The Wildness I Never Knew Could Be So Untamed, Noble, and Divine.

3) I couldn't think of a number 3 - isn't that funny? Sometimes the inability to think of something paired with the ability to laugh at one's faults are handy things to have while on tour. Or at least, I would say that if I'd thought of it. Unfortunately, I didn't. This whole section was plagiarized from a 1989 speech by Ronald Reagan to the Voter's Defense League. But I thought since he said it so well, I'd include it here. Thanks, Ron!

2) A way out of any conversation. I can't say what it is because I consider it a trade secret, but I will divulge this much: If you say the phrase, "Oh Lordy wants a sandwich", you will notice that the person you are talking to is slightly less interested than before. Go with that, experiment, and you may well stumble on a tried-and-true escape route - the Skeleton Key to All Exit Doors, my mother called it. This is a crucial item to possess when meeting all the fans. Just kidding! Ya'll are the Best in the World..

And finally the # 1 item I can't leave on a Tour without:

1) Food.

New Album!

2005-06-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

Hey Everybody--We've got a new album coming out in a few weeks and we're releasing the cover art to promote it. The painting was done by our very own Marfa... Enjoy!

Response to Glue

2005-06-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

- I like the idea of hats. Maybe just one hat. Instead of hats, I think we should all wear wigs. How about cardboard pyramids? I think we should have some sketches made up before we make any decisions on this. Remember--we need to think about things that will be easy to merchandise.

- A two ton nuclear bomb would destroy more than just the world. I think it would obliterate half of the solar system. I just read an article about nuclear bombs and they're making them pretty light these days. Unless of course you're buying them on the black market... then they're not going to be as new. Are we going to be like a state sponsored band? If that's the case, we might be able to borrow a nuclear device from the US government. If not, we might have to pursue different "avenues." I say we stick with the Americans. So what if they get to tell us all the words in our songs.

- I think Henry is hungry and/or thirsty. I think our next band practice should take place while eating and/or drinking. I'm not sure if this will result in more food related songs and costumes or less, but it's WORTH A TRY DON'T YOU THINK?

Burlesqued

2005-06-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

Here are some thoughts from THE GLUE on how to improve our band:

What do you guys think about ethnic stereotypes? I was thinking we could do something with those. I don't know what yet. That area is ripe for exploitation.

I think Bren should wear different funny hats on stage... a new one each song! For example, during the song "Harmony of the Sprouts" he can wear a hat that looks like a wedge of cheese! Also: Marfa should always be cradling a cute cat that she sings to, and I should have a 2-ton thermonuclear device strapped to my leg so I can't move and the world blows up when it detonates. Thoughts?

I can't stop jumping! That'll be my schtick. Look at me go! I can adopt it in real life too, not just on stage. I've already started in fact. I am an unstoppable jumping machine. Even if you guys don't like the idea, it will have no effect. I jump for myself. Call me "Jumper Jack"!

We spray the audience with water. Sounds tame, right? Get this: We lace the water with FLAMES.

I get a haircut.

We change the third chord during the chorus of "Hello Magpie" to a G-F trinsic. It just sounds better. More "uppy", like we discussed.

I suggest I wear an outfit made of food.

Same day, after 6pm

2005-06-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

And still at work.

Hung over in the afternoon

2005-06-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

But still makin a blog.